I have a question on the ´total integration´of the feminine and the masculine within. Do you experience that total integration within yourself ? – and how does that feel ? How do I know when that is happening ?
The journey of male-female integration is a central direction of Tantra. This is a major polarity in our psyches; its integration drops many veils of illusion, and brings us much closer to awakening. I have had a very long road with this integration – fascinating it has been, but considerable in extent! It started with an intense exploration of both my masculine and my feminine. The first phase or my exploration of the masculine happened in my twenties. It was not conscious, but still very valuable. In this time, I was “being a woman in a man’s world” (exploring my inner masculine) – building a respectable profession and completing my Ph.D. My thirties took me into a deep immersion into the lateral, unknown, intuitive spaces of the feminine. I spent large chunks of time living in nature, listening to my own creative impulses, to my body and to my emotions. It was scary, but exquisite.
Then I had another year or two of consciously exploring both masculine and feminine archetypes with a group of friends. We met weekly, did shamanic journeys, made collages, masks, did dances, acted out our discoveries, dreamt them, lived them… in short, the process delightfully look over our lives!
The next step was my meeting with Rahasya, and the beginning of the integration between the masculine and feminine in me. This has been a fascinating process with many tales to tell. I’ll share a highlight, and a turning point.
When my grandfather died earlier this year, the sadness would just not leave me. One day, when I listened into my own feeling, I realised that I was sad not only because of his death, but because of something in me. With the passing of my grandfather, the patriarchal imperative in my bloodline had passed away, and I had the opportunity to step through a doorway. My feminine was asking of my masculine to relate to her in a new way. He had been very supportive to her (I had been in a career as a corporate consultant that provided well for me financially). But what she really wanted is that he support her in expressing what SHE loves and desires (the corporate world was very masculine in orientation). So, we had the inner conversation and he agreed. (Once the masculine knows what is expected of him, he is more than willing to go there!)
Within a month the whole direction of my life had changed, and I became a fultime Tantrika! All the male dimensions of my life (structure, organising, bringing in the money etc) have so far been beautifully taken care of. And my inner woman is flying!
So, the first step is to become aware of the masculine and the feminine in you – what their voices and their positions are currently. Some assistance with this can be very helpful. The truth is that these two are constantly relating in you, and you will understand your own and other’s responses to situations much better when you see things on this level…